My name is John, and I’m a lawyer.
I enjoy long, moonlit walks, mint chocolate gelato, and gigantic, soul-crushingly wealthy corporations with problems.
You may say, “Hey, I’m a gigantic, soul-crushingly wealthy corporation with problems! But I do so many awful things that no one could possibly want me in his or her life. How can you possibly like me?” Let me assure you, little camper: I like you just the way you are. In fact, I like you so much, I want you to keep creating even more problems for yourself and others. I make a living off of human misery!
To make it easier for us to get this thing off the ground, I’ve included an easy, two-page retainer form for you to sign below.